Now The Shields Trade Makes Sense

Context. All we needed was a little context. The Royals needed to appear more competitive in order to attract top FA talent.

Or mortgage a big, bright chunk of their future for a chance at 81 wins in 2013.

Or something.

Non-Sense

Once a year ... once every two weeks. 差不多, right folks?

Disclosure: I am a frequent patron of MLB Trade Rumors and Fangraphs. How frequent, you ask? I'll put it this way, I was living in Taiwan in 2008. So prepare for my articles to reference those sites now and again.

Now that that's out of the way, here's a musing of little consequence:

A recent headline from an MLB Trade Rumors' article set me off a bit. Here it is, along with the first paragraph. Read carefully:

The Key "Non-Moves" Of 2012

As the cliche goes, sometimes the best moves are the ones you don't make. Some teams greatly benefited by standing pat on certain trades or signings during the past year while others may have hurt their prospects for the 2012 season and beyond by not striking when the iron was hot. Here is a list of some of the most intriguing non-moves (the good and the bad) of 2012...

Pretty innocuous, right? But the quotation marks stand out a bit, no? They always catch my eye.

So my initial thought was: Incorrect use of quotations. Plain and simple.

The article is a list of literal "non-moves." Granted the term isn't real, but the implied meaning behind the term is literal, and no one is being quoted ... so no quotation marks necessary, right?

And then a thought occurred. A "non-move" can't really exist. It's like choosing not to make a choice. Choosing "not" to do something is still doing something. So maybe the quotes were meant to imply sarcasm after all. This line of thought is seemingly reinforced by the first line of the article, invoking the adage "the best moves are the ones you don't make."

Great. Sarcasm and correct quotation usage after all! Wit on the Internet!

Unfortunately, I continued reading.

The last line of the first paragraphs once again employs the (non)-term "non-move" -- but this time without the quotes -- suggesting the author simply added them the first time around because he was trying to be clever. Or simply didn't know any better.

Thanks for nothing, Internet.

Scola's monster night helps Rockets roll Pistons

Nearly a year later, another post! Scola's monster night helps Rockets Roll Pistons



No, I don't know why either.

Parker, Spurs hand Hornets rare loss at home

Here's the first in what promises to be an ongoing feature: Game recap headlines taken completely out of context and with a temporary but total incapability to understand any figurative language whatsoever, which are then poorly illustrated in MSpaint.

Enjoy the first of our series, entitled, "Parker, Spurs hand Hornets rare loss at home"

Hello, and Welcome!

Hello, and welcome to Fat Pitcher, Ugly Baller. I'm Ugly Baller, AKA Steve; my colleague, Fat Pitcher, aka Nathan, is currently living and studying in China, and is therefore stuck behind the Great Firewall, and probably won't be able to blog frequently until he returns. That doesn't matter to me tremendously much right now, 'cause we've been talking about doing this blog for forever, and now we are.

Read this blog, because it will be updated at least twice a week, maybe, and when it is, it will be funny as shit. Shit is very funny. Read this blog and you will read about about professional basketball and baseball and all the stupidly amazing things that happen in and around them, and we will be insatiably obnoxious and totally punk rock. You will probably also read about Nathan's cultural experiences living in China and my own adventures with playing in a dumb little rock band and generally being very awesome. You will occasionally read ridiculous run-on paragraphs like this one from me, once in awhile when it's way too late at night and I am, sometimes against my better judgment, a bit wired on caffeine. You may read nothing -- there is a 57% chance Nathan's technological impediments will be too much and this blog will never be updated again. But if it is, you will certainly read post after endless post from Nathan and I talking about our deepest, most essential vice-tinged infatuations -- those which we loathe and resent above everything else, towards which we are furious beyond reason, and yet to which we are inexplicably and inexorably drawn to at all times and at all moments of our lives.

For Nathan, it is the fat baseball pitcher.

For myself, the ugly basketball player.

Okay, cool. Enjoy.
-UB